Asstastic Day at the Beach (with pictures)

A Mr Rant artistic ass shot

Today’s beach day was impressive, amazing even. No it was not because of the amazingly hot sun or the surprisingly decent amount of space for a Sunday. It wasn’t even the crystal clear water, though it has been a damn long time since I’ve seen that in Rio de Janeiro.

Nope, it was the asses! It has been a LONG time since I have seen that many hot bodies congregated in one area that is not Posto 9 (post 9 in Ipanema). When I visited Rio in 2003 all beaches had enough hot bodies hanging around to be a significant motivator for a Monday morning gym visit. Oh how the times have changed. Now I find that the bodies are, while still impressive in the barely there swimming attire, quite normal. The majority have cellulite, bellies, sagging here and there, and generally look like a normal population of people.

Not today my friend. There was a significant amount of “HOLY CRAP” bodies hanging out. Mr Rant and I were in such a state of shock at the abnormal representation of hotness that we didn’t even bother trying to suck in our stomachs. Who am I kidding, I gave that game up about two children ago. Of course we did have a lot of fun trying to take photos on the downlow. By the way, Mr. Rant has much better creepy photographer skills. Don’t know if that should make me proud or not…

Here’s our photo booty:

Check out this set of asses. They are a couple and have a child. A child! She should be notified that she is making us other Moms look bad… as well as many childless women. He should keep up the good work.

Excuse the lack of centering. I obviously took this photo

Sadly he turned. I had to take this from a distance and didn’t dare try again because I was starting to look like a desperate stalker. I looked like it or am one. You say potato and I say Not a Stalker



This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
  • Link up your post.
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Brazil: Sir Mix A Lot’s Lost Home: Rio de Janeiro

Today’s Brazilian Hotties for your Friday got me thinking about Brazil and asses. In this country there is a true appreciation for those rear cushions, and is a source of pride among the owners of them.

It isn’t just genes people, although the full ass really is. Seriously, big asses are as common in Brazil as silicone in LA only they aren’t always purchased. Hell, even the mannequin at a lot of stores have an ass that would rival Coco’s!

The thing is, Brazilians like a little meat. Sure they’ll take a skinny girl in during a storm, but they search out a birthing woman to run the home. I’m not really sure if that is because of the beef or because of the sass that seemingly comes with these Brazilian women. Don’t get me wrong, Brazilian men need a certain amount of Sass to keep them in their place, or at least remind them where it is when they get lost.

All and all it comes down to the concept of beauty. From my first day here I respected the fact that Brazilian men would hump the leg of all kinds. In all blunt honesty though, I got hit on a lot in the states and not very much in Brazil. Too skinny, too tall, and too lean. Hey, thank goodness I wasn’t living here during that awkward age of 13. I looked like a personified Daddy Long Leg. I soooo wouldn’t have ever been asked out. Oh wait I wasn’t at home either…

Anyway, before you go and talk shit about the muscular asses here and say that they are all surgery, I am here to tell you they aren’t. Well, at least not all of them. If you have ever frequented a gym in Rio de Janeiro, you’ll have seen that the woman here work out more than the Navy Seals.

Honestly, I see women busting out ridiculously hardcore aerobics with 20 kilo (40lb) weights strapped on to each one of their ankles. There I am crying next to them with nothing on mine and they basically have the equivalent of a preschooler holding on to dear life on each one of there’s. These hard asses are not something that happens naturally. The women here work for them.

Of course this may just be in Rio de Janeiro. Regardless, I used to consider myself a woman who knew her way around a weight room. In comparison to most American women, I still do. Next to one of these Assazonian ladies, I am nothing! They work out muscles in the ass and legs that I didn’t even know exist! Hell, I doubt I’ve ever even felt them working.

So when you see a picture of an asstastic Brazilian woman, don’t get all full of hate. They work hard for that ass. They spend more time in the gym than we do doing anything else. Respect it as one of the wonders of the world. Brazil has won the ass, as if it was ever a competition.