I Had A Cesarean

I had a Cesarean in Brazil. For anyone who knows the rate of c-sections in this country, that is not a shock. For me, it was the biggest disappointment of my life.

I am naturally very defensive of my doctor’s decision. It comes from a place of fear and shame. I have never gotten over the fact that I did not deliver naturally. I will never stop feeling like I missed out.

The fact is, I didn’t go into labor. My doctor stripped my membranes, instructed me to have sex, and basically opened the way for me to do anything that may induce labor. Hell, I was at 42 weeks, the baby had dropped, and my cervix was off pouting for some reason.  Still, my doctor never showed any signs that she was planning on a c-section.  Her hospital was different.

You see, while I did give birth in Rio de Janeiro, I gave birth at a public educational hospital that encourage (aka somewhat forces) a natural birth. They want the doctors that they are training to experience the real thing before they fall into the scheduling trend. That and since I wasn’t paying, they would have to eat the surgery fee.

But that still doesn’t calm the acid inducing thoughts I have when I think of my c-section. It doesn’t matter how many doctors, who have to take my medical history for one reason or another, make a side comment of “Oh it was at the Maternidade? So then it must have been necessary.”

You know why? Because I was there when a woman was in labor with an estimated 10 lb baby and the doctor loudly asked if there was time for an emergency c-section. Obviously the pathway would be too small.

I can name 3 friends who have given birth to 10 lb babies naturally (without anesthesia.) I’m guessing it wasn’t a party in there but the job got done.

That mini-conversation sticks in my head every time I think of how I had my babies. It weighs over me, even though when my doctor commented about LARGE size of my first born’s head in the ultra sound and then stated that “Thank goodness you are a big girl. The Vagina will match the baby.” In my defense, I think she meant tall, not large.

It makes me wonder about the lack of education natural birth advocates talk about. I never understood it until I had children. No, not because of my birth experience but from arguing with doctors. Standing up for what I feel is best for my children has made me focus in on the fact that doctors are human, and thus can make errors. To err is human or so I have heard.

The point being in all this is to advise all pregnant women to ask questions! Go get a second opinion. Fight for your right for a natural birth! As someone who didn’t, I regret it. And it breaks my heart to hear of women who choose to have a cesarean. They choose to make a risk, raise the bar, and add complications.

To those women, if it’s the glamour of the vagina, let me tell you something. Come look at my abdomen. Come over and check out my scar. I’ll let you feel the bump where they cut the muscle. Trust me, I have 2 boys and this second one was done cosmetically, it does not matter. You’ll sit in your bikini, no matter how low it is, and the skin will fold. You have cut the muscle in your stomach for goodness sake. Your Vagina will heal because that is what it is made to do, your abs won’t.

Think of it like this. Take a envelope. Cute a line horizontally down the front where someone would write the address. Now open the flap where you insert letters and close it again. Which opening is more obvious?

So go for the gold ladies! If a Vagina can open up for a Brazilian penis, I think a baby will slide out like butter.  Well, we can hope anyway.

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