“There is a positive side to living in a Machismo country” – as said by my wise half Carioca female friend.
Carioca women are not virgins when it comes to the beauty scene and the Carioca man does not think of it as a special treat. Listen to any woman receive a phone call from her husband while getting her nails done and you’ll see that it is on the household to do list right up there with going to the grocery store.
What you need to understand is that going to the salon here is not a treat. It’s like taking your car to the mechanic only it’s your wife and she needs to get painted at least every other week if not more. And the best part is that it is never questioned.
Take me at the salon today. I got my hair highlighted and trimmed. The hairdresser’s aid asked if I was also planning on getting a manicure and pedicure. I for one would like to think that she asked out of habit and not because it looked like I clawed myself out of the ground with only my finger and toe nails as tools. I asked the price and she hesitated as if she is not commonly asked that. She said “oh. Let me go check.”
Upon her return I felt a little subconscious and jokingly commented “I would hate to spend too much and piss off my husband.” followed by a little wink. That really only made things worse. I got the full on what-the-hell-is-she-talking-about overly long look.
Duh, husbands here don’t question the cost of beauty. I’m not lying. The men here have no freaking clue what the woman spend on beauty and they don’t seem to care. In this machismo country women are in control of the beauty domain and the men don’t even question it. My guess as to why is because they want and expect the woman to be as beautiful as she can be. Certain things are actually expected of women here such as hairlessness and well done nails. And before you tell me that it is a class thing, I have had 3 different maids comment on my non-manicured hands and state that I needed to get on that.
It is a cultural habit. Women take care of themselves and by take care of themselves I mean do it all. The woman here, of all classes, do hair treatments, nails and waxing regularly. The upper classes add in lymphatic drainage and cellulite massages. This is something completely unrelated to exercise and weight. Regardless of you being the hard body at Posto 9 in Ipanema or a normal Mom in Leme, you have your nails done my friend.
And this is an area in which I have a hard time adapting. I don’t particularly enjoy going to the salon nor do I want to spend an hour having someone pick at my nails. On the other hand, when all is said and done I see a very big difference.
Now ask me if Mr Rant cares if I blow money on this kind of thing. Of course not. He actually openly asks why I don’t do it more often. Even when times are tough he doesn’t seem to see why I “shouldn’t” go and get my nails done. It’s like buying toilet paper. Sure things are tough but you still need to wipe your ass after using the butt hose.
I know what you are thinking, it is cheaper to do this kind of thing in Rio de janeiro. You’re right, it is. Of course it does start to add up when you do absolutely everything, something many Carioca women do.
Regardless of it being a necessity or pampering, this kind of thing always makes me feel like I’m celebrating my womanhood. Maybe the Brazilian way of making it a norm also makes celebrating womanliness a norm. That is something that I could get behind.
24 comments
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mallory
April 4, 2012 at 3:29 am (UTC 3) Link to this comment
hmmm. dislike. it makes women seem like silly toy cars? taking your car to the mechanic? making your wife look socially acceptable? i hate HATE that part of brazilian culture. of course, that’s just me. my husband must be the most anti-brazilian man on the planet because while he wouldnt tell me not to go to the salon, he is completely fine if not relieved that i don’t.
i read in a magazine while at a doctor’s office that many brazilian women spend more than what they earn on their salon/beauty/makeup, and well, the article made it clear that it wasn’t a good thing and that this part of brazilian culture not only makes women think they have to look like a doll to be beautiful, but break the bank for “necessity” nails arent necessity. milk and bread are. grr.
Meredith
April 4, 2012 at 5:57 am (UTC 3) Link to this comment
I agree with Mallory. I sometimes get sick of seeing women so dressed up, dolled up, manicured. And I’m glad that my husband doesn’t care whether or not I go to the salon.
Brasilicana
April 4, 2012 at 12:55 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
I’m with Mallory and Meredith. I hate the fact that having perfect nails and just-came-from-the-salon hair seems to be almost an expectation, as though it were a bare minimum for a woman “taking care of herself” rather than nice-to-have-but-not-essential extras. Neither of those things fit with my lifestyle – with capoeira 4x a week and doing my own dishes/cleaning/laundry by hand, so why pay for a manicure when I can guarantee it’ll be chipped within a day?
I do wax, but only b/c the effects last a full month!
Oh, and I’ve always wondered… what the heck is lymphatic drainage??? Sounds more like a medical procedure than a beauty thing!
Rachel
April 4, 2012 at 3:20 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
Mallory, you can’t take things so seriously. Yes I can compare a woman to a car and yes it is ok to look socially acceptable. I’m guessing you don’t walk around wearing a potato bag…
Ladies, I disagree. Making a point of looking less than nice, when it is so easy here, is ridiculous. Need to be a “socially acceptable” rebel?
My nails on my hands don’t last too long either and so I don’t bother getting them done regularly, but it does look nice when I do. Socially acceptable or not I choose clothes that look good on me, why not hair and nails as well. Even with kids, activities, etc I find that the basic cleanliness holds.
Now the breaking the bank part, totally don’t agree with it.
Rachel
April 4, 2012 at 3:27 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
I believe lymphatic drainage is a massage that helps stimulate something to do something and makes you a tiny didbit thinner… Or so they say
Sandi
April 4, 2012 at 10:42 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
A lymphatic drainage is a massage for your fat! It breaks up the fat cells and u pee them out. I have done it and it works!
Rachel
April 5, 2012 at 11:29 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
yeah? Actually works??
Flavia
August 10, 2012 at 5:46 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
It doesn’t break your fat, it stimulates your lymph nodes to make you eliminate the extra water in your body. Like when you get all swollen in pmt. And yes, works wonders, specially during pregnancy, post birth and of course your periods. I wish they had it up here in Canada.
Btw, we do not spend more than we can on beauty salon, maybe save some money or give up a restaurant night
p.s: loved your blog, sent it for a canadian friend whom married a paulista, very helpful!
Rachel
August 11, 2012 at 4:10 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
Thanks for the info Flavia!
And maybe you have a point about the spending. I bet it is so ingrained that Carioca women automatically separate money for this kind of thing. I am out of practice, though I do manage to do just this when it comes to my waxing.
Ps. Thank you! You don’t know how happy it makes me to hear that
Megan
April 4, 2012 at 9:09 am (UTC 3) Link to this comment
I just got back from a monthlong visit (my second) to Rio de Janeiro, and I keep telling everyone here that it is much more fun to be a woman in Brazil. Here in the States it’s almost as if perfection is expected, but a woman who spends money and time to keep up her appearance is considered vain or extravagant. For years the only thing I splurged on was my hair…and I cannot count how many times my friends or boyfriends complained of how long I spent at the salon getting it done. It was something I did with my time and my hard-earned money to make myself feel beautiful, not to impress anyone else, and I was made to feel like it was frivolous. At least Brazilians understand how much work goes into making a woman look like models and actresses do. The reason I love to have my hair or nails done is because I feel awesome after. Hell with whatever society or any guy thinks…I do it for me.
The strange flip side of this, in my personal experience, was that the carioca I was dating didn’t notice or complain when my nails weren’t manicured, laughed when I fretted over having three weeks’ of blonde roots in my “red” hair before being in his brother’s wedding, and always said I looked lovely in shorts and a tank top. He definitely did notice (and thoroughly enjoy) when I did get a “mão e pé”, when I colored my hair back to vibrant red, and when I would dress up for dinner dates. I didn’t feel punished for being comfortable or for taking the extra time and dressing up…just appreciated and admired either way. So I may be biased. But that was my experience being a woman for a month in Brazil. Now I’m scouring Groupon for manicure offers.
Rachel
April 4, 2012 at 3:25 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
Mr Rant is the same. He doesn’t complain if I don’t but he does compliment when I do. It’s a little like having it both ways
I agree that this is a nice part of living here. It is nice not to be judged because I got my nails done and waxed. You are much more likely to have someone compliment your nails instead
isabella
April 4, 2012 at 1:01 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
weekly manicure is the way to go
Taking care of yourself is a good thing.
you can have brains and beauty. There’s no need to choose between one and another.
Rachel
April 4, 2012 at 3:27 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
AMEN!
Sara
April 4, 2012 at 4:04 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
I think that it definitely should be your choice but you shouldn’t be criticized either way. If a woman wants to spend her days playing sports with her kids, gardening or whatever but doesn’t put nails at the top of her list people should just accept that it’s not considered important to her and not look down on her.
What I think many expats have a problem with is that in Brazil it almost seems to be a must that is pressured by society…. Yes, take care of yourself but there are plenty of ways to do that and not just with your nails- read a book, go for a run, eat healthy, or even teach your kids.
Sara
oh and getting your nails done in Brazil hurts like a B**** and they always make you bleed (which also goes along with it not being considered pampering!) Plus I have yet to find a place that properly sterilizes everything with EACH use
Rachel
April 4, 2012 at 5:44 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
That is why you shouldn’t go to the cheaper nail places. The other ones do a better job…
I once had a lady make me bleed badly and then she started putting some powder on it. I pulled away and demanded to know what she was putting on my open wound. She said it would make it clot faster. I told her I preferred to not use it and that she could skip my thumb… and please no more bleeding! Needless to say I never went back
Ana Fonseca
April 4, 2012 at 7:07 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
That’s why I use my own nail tools… since I was 13. Impossible to get them sharpened while living in the NL. Well, my mom bring me two or three brand new “alicates de cutícula” when she visits me and takes my old ones with her. I have read somewhere in the Birdget Jones diary that the beauty routines a woman has to perform is like the incessant work of a gardener: she has to trim, manure an fertilize, remove the excesses, water and moist constantly… otherwise she will finish with a beard THIS big. Blah !
sara
April 5, 2012 at 1:05 am (UTC 3) Link to this comment
Bleh. I thought I was going to a nice place! 30+ for a simple pedi and mani…. really nice chairs and brand new building along with tons of recommendations.
Rachel
April 5, 2012 at 11:31 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
yeah? That sucks. Takes one newbie and you have yourself a bleed…
Tiffany
April 4, 2012 at 11:53 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
I was cracking up when I was reading the part about the reaction you got when you said, “I don’t want to spend to much money and piss off my husband…” ! This is still something that I am learning to understand with my own man. For example, a conversation YESTERDAY:
Me: I am too young to be getting sunspots! (grumble grumble) I guess I should have listened to the lady’s advice at the salon and bought that lotion…
Him: Why didn’t you?
Me: It cost 80 bucks! I don’t want to spend that much money on something like LOTION!
Him: Babe, it’s 80 bucks, not a thousand (says the man who complains that I am throwing money away when I buy Starbucks). Just do it. When it comes to things like this you need to not worry about the cost.
Me: Seriously, what planet did you come from?!
Most of my friends would not understand. I am glad you do. I will not lie, although I don’t GET it, I do appreciate not being discouraged from getting things like manicures and pedicures, which I have always enjoyed.
Rachel
April 5, 2012 at 11:33 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
It is odd! Mr Rant will give me a look for getting some expensive imported item at the grocery store but didn’t even blink when I came home with hair and nails done.
Nina Oliviera
April 5, 2012 at 11:55 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
Ricardo is the same, cries about me spending money on coffee or imported food. But anything spent on beauty, it’s something that I NEEDED and we can live the costs.
Nina Oliviera
April 5, 2012 at 11:53 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
Come on ladies we’re suppose to be the third wave. That means we can look however we want. Damn if we do damn if we don’t? Hell no!
Be who you want to be and be proud. Sick of ultra fems? Ok, but we gotta let people choose who they want to be. The fems are probably sick of us too. Is it fair if a fem says, someone who doesn’t get their nails done are slobs and gross? Or the Brazilian joke about women who only go to the salon for holidays or travel. It goes both ways. We’re suppose to respect differences.
I don’t really doll up at the salon, but when I like bust out heels or makeup and have some fun it should be fine. If I throw my hair back, put on sandals and walk out the door– it’s all good!
However, I get the point Rachel is making, we need to make this gender game a little equal. So if guys are pigs, then shouldn’t they have to pay for the eye candy? Sounds more fair then guys having the eye candy and girls footing the bill for it.
Stephanie
April 7, 2012 at 7:27 pm (UTC 3) Link to this comment
This post makes me laugh. When I first moved here I resisted the whole salon thing for a long time. My husband *used* to say to me “why don’t you get your nails/hair done?” with some regularity. I never really focused on it before, or SHOULD say, it was pretty easy to look ok. Well, I’ve crossed over to the other side now. Living here you really do notice that most women keep up their nails and I’m very self conscious about this now. If I could have a mani once I week I would, and for a long time I did and then my husband changed his tune and started saying “your nails are fine”..?? And about hair, unfortunately as you get older, the gray hair issue becomes a true issue (blondes have it easier than brunettes do). If you try to color out of the store-bought box the results vary and you end up damaging your hair far more than if you go to a pro. I wish I didn’t have to deal with this issue but honestly, those roots appear after about 2 weeks, so going to get my hair colored is not a fun, occaisional thing, but something I couldn’t imagine not doing. I wouldn’t want to see myself gray. Vanity really starts kicking in once you really see yourself aging (and don’t welcome that change). So the price of beauty (or just trying to look normal) is really an expense every month, and honestly, I will do anything I can afford to do (not much!). I never thought I’d be this way but now I really do care. And Rio humidity throws a whole other wrench into this…talk about bad hair days for those of us with wavy hair. I miss the easy days! It’s such a pain and expense. My husband does appreciate it, but he also is aware of the price and rolls his eyes when I go. Boy did he change his tune!
maggie winter
March 14, 2013 at 7:01 am (UTC 3) Link to this comment
I have felt like I really should buck up, a Brazilian friend was taking me to her hairdressers and was so shocked I wasn’t having a colours because I have shock horror some grey (ish) hair. I am nearly fifty and yes, now I will probably have a damn colour, hell I gotta live here!
She thinks my nails, well most part of me, are a disgrace, she calls me crazy English woman and just can’t get her head round it. On saying that the first time I had a leg wax in Saquarema, boy it was so fast, so good, so painless and R$10, that was 6 years ago it’s now R$ 20 but still so cheap. So I’II maybe make more of an effort.
Great blog,enjoying it, thx.