May 23

Is a Cross-Cultural Relationship Worth it?

Categories:

Brazil, cross cultural, cross cultural communication, marriage, mr. rant

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Photo from: http://expatlog.com/2012/03/14/cross-cultural-realtionships/

There is more to Cross-cultural relationships than expansive plane tickets to visit the other’s family and serving a mixed array of food in the home. Sure it seems incredibly romantic to fall in love with someone with a different background than yours. Hell, just the discovery aspect to being with someone from a different culture can keep a relationship interesting for years.

And then there is the backlash. It can be annoying having to constantly explain to a confused partner why you do a something a certain way because they think it is weird. It is even more exhausting having to be logical during an argument and ask if what they just said is as offensive in their language/culture as it is in yours. And then there is the issue of having to use all your vacation time and/or travel money visiting the other person’s family/country.

It isn’t all feijoada and donuts people.

Be Spoked broke the Cross-Cultural relationship issue down into Pros and Cons. Let’s take a look:

PROS:

You get to develop interpersonal abilities. Here they go into being open minded and tolerant. That is politically correct talk for learning to deal with crap that is different from the crap you are used to. I ditto this point. You really do become flexible when it comes to dealing with other people in an overall sense. I am quite overly blunt, as if you haven’t noticed, and I can now soften it so that I am only blunt in another culture instead of being considered rude. It is handy because as much as I do it, I really don’t like the aftertaste from having my foot in my mouth.
You stay on top of worldwide current events. This is very true. As an American living abroad I have noticed that the American media seems to be quite focused on our country. The foreign section of our newspapers are embarrassingly small in comparison to other countries. Not only that, most people in other countries seem to know what is going on around the world. It would be pretty embarrassing to be the only one at a party who doesn’t know where Syria is. Actually, it would be even more embarrassing to be at a party where no one knows where Syria is. I bet I could find one stateside…
You can cultivate appreciation with regard to variety since you are opening up your senses to a different culture…: It’s true. I can smell garlic a mile away after living in Brazil, even when it is just because someone didn’t brush their teeth after lunch.
As an individual, you open yourself up to life’s options. : It is like spending your life swimming in a lake and finally seeing the ocean. There is nothing wrong with the lake but once you see the ocean you understand how restricted your vision of life had been.

 

CONS: 

 

You may need to give up your most cherished beliefs.: Sadly, with partnership comes compromise. I love Christmas on the morning of the 25th. Mr Rant’s family celebrates on the 24th until about 2am. Both Mr Rant and I have had to compromise when and where Santa will come, what time lunch is on the 25th, etc. It works for us. Of course I do love spending the holidays at my Mom’s where we have a total American Christmas. Honestly, Mr Rant loves it too because it just rocks. Nonetheless, when in Rome, or Brazil, do as the Romans or Brazilians do… with a twist.

You may need to make a huge leap of adjustment, particularly when you don’t come from same region. This is the religion and politics part. I thought I was safe because Mr Rant’s extended family is Catholic like my extended family. Of course that would be too easy and Mr Rant actually believes in a more N. American Shamanic type of philosophy. Yeah, he may be kinda Pagan but what can a girl do? At least we have the same political beliefs and money spending habits.
You may need to deal with practices which are acceptable in the other person’s society but prejudicial to your own. I did have to get used to PDAs but then discovered that I absolutely love them. It is awesome to be able to tongue your significant other at any point anywhere at any time. How could that ever be a bad thing? And if you tell me to get a room, I happily will as long as you are willing to babysit my children.

All and all the author makes some good points. You hit a lot of bumps when you marry someone from a culture different from your own. At the same time, I think life is that much more fun because of it. Maybe that is why I have always been attracted to foreigners, that or because their accents in English are so DAMN sexy.

The point is that sometimes cross-cultural marriage seems more difficult. You have different things to overcome and, many times, have a slight language barrier. I don’t care if the other one is fluent in your native tongue, something that would normally be said in their language will end up being said in a questionable way in yours at some point. And then there is the whole family thing…

While the people in the cross-cultural relationship are normally fairly well traveled and/or have some sort of experience with people from other places, that does not mean that the families will. The biggest culture shock comes in the form of family. At the same time, it can be one of the most rewarding parts of adapting. Being a part of two families who are so very different is fulfilling in so many ways. You have all your bases covered in terms of family love. I know I can go to the Brazilian family for positive words even if they are doubting me. And I go to my American side to get constructive criticism/advice even though I know they support my choices 100%.

Personally, I have found it to be an adventurous and entertaining win win situation. How about you?

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May 22

Skylines

Categories:

Brazil, Rio de Janeiro, wordless wednesday

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Find more skylines at: http://family-vacation-ideas.com/skylines/

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May 22

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Categories:

Brazil, motherhood, Rio de Janeiro, travel

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family

I have had a ton of people asking me if going to Europe has made me want to move. I will say, I was considering moving to Logrono. It is like a Spanish utopian bubble in the freezing cold, but the red wine and paella warms you up quite quickly.

At the same time, many Europeans were saying that they would love to move to Brazil, more specifically Rio de Janeiro. Their reasoning, Europe is boring.

Let’s look into that.

I found functional sidewalks, clean streets, cars stopping for pedestrians, and metros/trains that show up regularly quite refreshing. Is all that oh so convenient? Of course. Is it totally and absolutely boring? Oh yes.

I also loved the affordable grocery stores with a huge selection to choose from. I could buy close for a fraction of the cost that I knew would actually last. Don’t even get me started on customer service.

Fabulous? Of course! Still boring? Without a doubt.

Rio de Janeiro lacks all these things. Hell, you have to give your life history just to exchange a gift for a bigger size. There really is no way to sugarcoat it. Instead of size charts you can register your child’s age by how long it takes to get their official document. You wonder why Brazilians don’t protest more. I’ll tell you why, they are busy filling out paperwork and making a fifth copy of that very important document that for some reason the first four didn’t quite capture.

But there is always time for the beach, a saideira (last call), a bbq and sex. Hell, making out just may be a legitimate excuse for being late. Functional? Maybe not. Fun? Hell yes!

There is always time to cook a big meal for the family. There is never a reason to not, at least, swing by and wish someone a happy birthday.

Rio de Janeiro is fun. There is no doubting that. Are there 300 million things wrong, like in every country? Hell yes.

For me personally, the corruption is the worst. The government doesn’t even try to hide it anymore. The people don’t even complain, at least not to the extent the Spanish would. Dear Goodness, I could only imagine the shit that would fly should the Spaniards decide to move to Brazil…

Honestly though, I do get tired. I get tired when shit isn’t done. It pisses me off to hear Brazilians complain about Brazilian welfare but not say a word about the crap public medical and educational system. Then again, middle and upper class Brazilians aren’t using the latter but are paying for the first. Nonetheless, it is a serious lack of perspective. A country moves forward by pushing up from the bottom, not the top. At the moment, the US is also having an issue with that concept.

But I am here. I am not a fair-weather Brazil lover, not totally anyway. For the time being, we are here trying. I believe in Brazil. I believe that you can keep the culture and have the function.

As much as I LOVED visiting Europe, I’m not packing my bags just yet. If we ever should, it won’t be because of a distaste for Brazil. It will be because Mr Rant and I have a nomad streak and sometimes you have to follow it. For the time being, we will be here for years at the very least. Years and years. That makes me think that I should have brought A LOT more cheese back from France…

How about you? Where would you live? Why? Have you ever thought about leaving the country you are in for another?

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May 21

Getting Back To Our Foundation

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marriage, motherhood, mr. rant, travel

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There are many things I could write about upon returning home from a solo trip to Europe with Mr Rant. There are the differences between Spain, France and Brazil. I could discuss all the random trains and planes we took, the Brazilians we met along the way and there is always the wedding we went to. Saying it was an awesome wedding is the understatement of the year!

But what impacted me the most was effect this trip had on mine and Mr Rant’s relationship. No, we did not have any grand epiphanies nor did we discover anything particularly new about one another. Newness is a part of the meeting for the first time game.

But we did rediscovered the selves who met almost 10 years ago.

This trip abroad was a step back to our foundation. After all these years, and the uncountable amount of life experiences we have shared, we shockingly forgot where we started from. And while this trip wasn’t exactly like the one in which we met, for example no one brought home bedbugs from a hostel, it was close enough.

Now don’t get me wrong, Mr Rant and I have never had a bad relationship. It is quirky in its own right but works very well for us. The thing is, once you establish a life together you almost become a slave to it. Let me explain.

While having a secure life, a home and children is wonderful, they have a way of becoming everything. Add in day to day routines and your opportunity to “just be” is limited to after chores/discussing things that need to be done/childrens’ bedtimes/etc. As couples, we have a tendency of becoming what we are building in our lives as opposed to just taking part. We morph into a team with a goal instead of two individuals who happily decided to walk parallel paths together.

It is sad how easy it is to forget how you once connected with someone in the first place, how quickly we lose track of that carefree base we once had and the joy we felt merely liking that someone for exactly who they are. After a while the adorable way they chew makes you want to bitch slap them with a sock full of bricks. You get annoyed because you have to take the trash out yet again or because when money is tight the other still goes out with their girlfriends and spends too much on fancy snacks and alcohol (and that is obviously Mr Rant and not me at all… wait a second, that doesn’t sound too good either).

I feel exceptionally lucky to say that Mr Rant and I easily fell into the us we were before, even with a few travel bumps like almost losing our flight to Paris because of oversleeping and an Iberia system change.

And this simple re-connection was one of the most romantic things I have experienced thus far in my life. As much as I was swept off my feet by Mr Rant the first time around, I found reconnecting with him much more fulfilling.

Stepping out of the day to day we fantasized about together once upon a time ago was exactly what we needed. It also helped that we could sleep as much as we wanted and didn’t have to clean anyone else’s ass but our own. Don’t even get me started on eating without having to cut up someone else’s food.

But once again I am getting off track. My point is that somewhere along the way we started trying to survive the day instead of living it. We got tired and lazy, forgetting that investing in the other isn’t actually work but a pleasure. We stopped talking about random shit. Our conversations circled around work, bills, children and our home. That would bore the crap out of anyone, even if it involves you.

I had forgotten how easy it is to talk to Mr Rant and I do believe that he forgot how much he loves my random craziness, how I have no idea.

While I will eventually write about the random shit that happened on our fabulous trip and all the funny little observations I made, including the insanely loud Brazilian traveler, know that the best part for me was reconnecting with someone I adore inside and out. Also remember, even if money is tight, you should find a way to get an occasional stretch of alone time with that significant other. Don’t talk business, don’t even think about discussing money, just walk around and enjoy each other. Recreate “Before Sunset” in your very own town.

And I just threw up a little bit in my mouth so I do believe this corny ass post is done.

So tell me, what is your favorite way of reconnecting with your significant other?

 

 

 

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May 09

Leaving On A Jet Plane

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travel

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IMG_6931

Something magical is happening. I am leaving on a jet plane, alone with Mr Rant, to Europe for 10 days!

We shall start off the adventure in Logroño, Spain at a wedding for a dear friend. The wedding is on a vineyard. Seriously, I’m leaving Brazil and heading to a Spanish vineyard. People, there has to be a God out there!

After the wedding we will spend a night in Madrid and then, wait for it, head up to Paris! Weirdly enough, it was cheaper for us to get a 3 way ticket, going through Paris, than it was to get a direct flight from Rio to Madrid. Such a bummer, but might as well take advantage and spend 5 days in the most romantic city in the world. What a tough life I have…

And I have never been to Paris, seriously! I’m so excited! It almost doesn’t seem real, except for my half full suitcase. I’m a fairly light packer, especially when I plan to bring home an entire French Cheese store worth of goodies.

I can’t wait for my diet of wine, cheese and jamon. I may come home constipated but at least it will make me look forward to the vast variety of fruit that comes with the country I call home, as opposed to being depressed that there are no Spanish vineyards in the vicinity of Rio de Janeiro.

Anyway, the entire point of this post is to let you know that I will be on a blogger vacation. Behave yourselves while I am away!

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May 08

Meanwhile…

Categories:

Brazil, wordless wednesday

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May 08

Going Back To My American Roots

Categories:

Brazil, Rio de Janeiro

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8035907 (1)

I have a maid. Well, I had a maid. She is leaving us to take care of her elderly Aunt and Uncle who have both fallen seriously ill at the same time. I tell you, that is the Brazilian way. No old folks home there, the Brazilian family comes to help!

S has been with us for 4 years now, ever since The Menace was 4 years old. You see, before Luka was born I didn’t have a maid. I didn’t like the idea of someone else cleaning my house. Then the Brazilian family got involved. By the middle of my pregnancy it was decided that I was insane and something needed to be done, so the Grandmother’s maid came in once every two weeks.

That didn’t work out for obvious reasons. V worked for the Grandmother, for like a million years at that point, and so my daily habits were shared with anyone who liked to listen. Trust me, I learned far more than I ever wanted to about the Grandmother over coffee with V.

So I decided to placate them and found a cleaner who was not a member of the Brazilian family. R was awesome and came in every 2 weeks for the next couple of years. Of course when I got knocked up with Baby number two, the family intervened once again.

You see, we moved to a bigger place to accommodate our expanding family and R decided to find work closer to home because the commute was a nightmare.

I wanted to go it on my own. I was outvoted. As annoying as that was, it was understandable. I had my Mother-in-Law and her sister come over to explain to me why I needed someone there every day to help at the end of my pregnancy and after The Menace was born. While I didn’t necessarily agree with them, I figured that I could try out hiring someone to work four days a week.

It did not work out my friends. First off, she was insane. Don’t get me wrong, C was a lovely woman, aside from being insane. And honestly, if I am calling someone insane… let’s just say it is a pretty serious.

I obviously didn’t want anyone else in the house and this time I really put my foot down. I was perfectly capable of doing everything myself and raise 2 kids! Hell, my Mom did it with 4 and her place was 3 times the size of mine and up to Brazilian standards of cleanliness.

But I made the choice to bring spawn into a Brazilian family and had to settle with someone coming 3 days a week. That was the compromise.

And J was wonderful! She was the first person outside of family that would let watch my kids when I ran to the store and such. No, I’m not that overprotective, I just really had no problem dragging them along with me. Hell, I was raised running errands.

Unfortunately, J started stealing, lying, and missing work. She also humorously flashed cleavage and flirted with Mr Rant. Honestly, she was so sweet with the kids and so awesome at cleaning that I overlooked the lying and missing work, trying to work with her. I also nipped the flirting, but stealing is unacceptable… even then I talked to her about it but it didn’t change a thing.

So I was once again happily on my own, and the family stepped back in. This time I took matters into my own hands and spoke with my Brazilian female friends. S worked with a friend of mine who was moving in with her Mother-in-law and thus letting her go.

S was my shining light in the face of family demands and cultural differences. We totally clicked, and thankfully so! The Menace didn’t sleep for practically 2 years, and I am not exaggerating. I was running on 2 hrs direct sleep max, which is one thing after 5 months and a totally different thing after a year. My nerves were frayed. And of course The Chatterbox decided that would be the moment to become a picky eater and not like pooping. I mean, who does that?! A good poop is the best thing in the world!

S was hired as a maid but she was so much more. She has been there to give me kind and constructive parenting advice as opposed to just telling me what I am doing wrong. And she is my go-to person for family and marital questions that I know are cultural based. We talk and laugh and I am really going to miss her.

Now I’m off to clean a toilet and fold laundry.

But I don’t do ironing. Someone please let Mr Rant know.

 

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May 06

10 Mistakes Expats Make When Moving to Brazil

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Brazil

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Overpacking

1. They think it is going to be a constant vacation. Vacationing and living somewhere is totally different. You don’t have to deal with bureaucracy or anything else that may be tedious while on a trip. When you live somewhere, you have to figure everything out from the light bill to who the hell you call when your toilet breaks. In Brazil, those two little things can be a total pain in the ass. Be prepared to enjoy the fun of Brazil while also having to deal with the other side.

2. Attempting to bring their local supermarket to Brazil with them. I am all about having my favorite goodies from the US, but there is a limit. You will have an easier time adapting if you avoid the panic attack of running out of  the food you are used to and not being able to run out and get more. Shop local. Learn to cook local food. And make those traditional goodies from home by scratch. For example, I kissed Bisquick goodbye a LONG time ago. I don’t even use it when I go back for a visit.

3. Assuming that costs will be the same. You are in a different country, some things are more expensive and some things are less. You can not assume that similar services will cost the same as at home. For example,  having a home phone is more expensive in Brazil than it is in the US, and the rules are different like you get charged more when you call a cell from your land-line than you do another land-line.

4. Importing Your Home Country to Your Adopted Country. It is understandable that foreigners find other foreigners to hang out with when living abroad. It is incredibly soothing to be able to vent frustrations with someone who understands them, and doesn’t get offended by them. That is different, however, from avoiding the local world completely. It is understandable that an American expat would want to put their child in the American School, observe American holidays and traditions and eat American food. At the same time, if that is all you are going to do, you might as well have stayed home. Get to know the local culture. Be a part of it.

5. Not Doing Enough Research. Sure, Brazil is the new black but that doesn’t mean that you don’t need to look into life here before diving in. While I’m sure you have read plenty of puff pieces in the NY times travel section and have heard about murder and rape on CNN, there is much more to Brazil. Be prepared. Read up on the city you are moving to. Figure out what you should go see when you first get there. Fly down and visit, if possible, before the big move. Read up on the pros and cons of different neighborhoods. Find blogs, post on travel forums, do whatever you need to do to get as much info as possible so you can land here running.

6. Not learning Portuguese. I know this one is a bitch. Portuguese is not an easy language. And sorry but you aren’t going to be fluent just by listening to Rosetta Stone while on the StairMaster. At the very least, find a teacher or a school when you arrive here. Brazilians do not have to speak English with you, you are in their country.

7. Thinking pedestrians have the right-of-way. They will hit you. Wait for the light, and still look beforehand.

8. Not Figuring Out Banking Beforehand. Are you going to get paid in the US? Are you going to transfer money here? Learn the laws. If you are receiving an international deposit, figure out how long the Brazilian bank will hold your money and how much the international transfer fees are. Trust me, it is very annoying to have to wait 2 months for your money and then lose a third in fees.

9. Constantly Complaining. It is one thing to be homesick and it is another to be a Debbie Downer. Yes things are different, and there are a lot of things that just do not work down here. Every country has its problems. You will have a much easier time adjusting if you don’t focus solely on them.

10. Being too Defensive. It is easy to become overwhelmed with how much you stick out down here. It is also annoying to have Brazilians openly criticize your country once they find out where you are from. I get that a lot when it comes to the US government. It is also easy to stereotype and/or get overwhelmed with being stereotyped. You can’t let it get to you. The moment you do you only end up proving the other person right. Be OPEN. You will be viewed differently down here. Your job is to be yourself regardless of stereotypes and to not stereotype Brazilians… unless you are me. I’m the exception to the rule *wink*

What would you add?

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May 04

Hot Brazilians for Your Friday

Categories:

hot Brazilians for your Friday

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Yeah, I know it is Saturday. I’m a Carioca at heart so I just didn’t show up yesterday and showed up this morning. Still counts.

Hideo Muraoka has managed the perfect Mommy porn picture. His total hotness, holding a baby and with the look of adoration. This Mom is SOLD!

Grazielli Massafera may not be Mommy porn but she can definitely make Mommy want to go on a juice fast and hit the gym. Though I will say that she would be hotter with her natural hair color. Call me crazy but those roots are telling me that someone isn’t a natural blonde…

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May 03

An Affair With the Vegetable Guy

Categories:

Brazil, feira, Rio de Janeiro

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Photo From: http://blog.chefleticia.com/2011/12/

I’m stoked to say that I am guest posting over at A Clove of Garlic, A Pinch of Salt today. Today is Feira Friday and Tiffany gave me the opportunity to share my view of the feira. Let me give you a little taste:
Now pop over to A Clove of Garlic, A Pinch of Salt and read the rest.

 

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